The Art of Asking

 


Harrison Dunne Polite

By: Harrison Dunne-Polite
Heritage: White + African-American
Profession in U.S.: Student


Being mixed/biracial/multicultural, my physical appearance has always been accompanied by a sense of ambiguity. My racial composition, Black and White, is hardly complicated yet others have never been able to figure it out at first glance. In my lifetime I have been mistaken for Turkish, Japanese, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Italian, Iranian and more. It is almost as if everyone guesses everything other than what I actually am. It is not uncommon for a stranger to approach me with a language I do not speak. Of course this is not an issue and I have never taken offense.

Racial identities are complicated and confusing, as are most socially constructed labels, for they do not actually exist but instead are human, and thus imperfect, interpretations of perceived (and generally accepted) differences. I admittedly understand how I could be perceived to be of a nationality, ethnicity, or race that I am not. The frequently asked “what are you” has never provoked an outwardly irritated response from me though I do believe the question is often posed in an inappropriate manner. This is not to say there is no way to ask. If you are unsure you don’t have to live the remainder of your life in uncertainty, but there is definitely a right and wrong way to go about finding out.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making an effort to learn about someone's culture and heritage. Doing so develops a sense of relativity between two people of different backgrounds and upbringings. Learning about such information is an integral part of getting to know someone else. As individuals, our influences and experiences shape and define the way in which we see the world; it is why we do what we do and believe what we believe. The difference in our respective worldviews can be understood and explained if we properly exchange our stories. Communicating in this way helps deconstruct the misperceptions about differences that serve as cultural barriers.

Unfortunately this is not always the intention or result of the “what are you” questions. Often the dialogue ceases following the answer and the conversation finds its way in a different direction. In most cases this is likely to occur because the topic itself is sensitive and a discussion between two distinguished groups can be uncomfortable and awkward. However, leaving the conversation there puts the racially ambiguous (or the intriguing) party in a (potentially) uncomfortable position. What is the point of sharing such information if there is no following discussion or an explanation or exploration of its significance? Are they already well versed in the ins-and-outs of my culture(s) or will they simply make assumptions and associations based on loose understandings of the world they think I am part of? Are you trying to understand me or define me through a check list of stereotypes?

These questions, of course, are to be considered reasonably. Not every conversation needs to reach the depth of personal exchange; no one is required to share their entire life’s story nor is anyone obligated to listen. That being said I do believe it both important and helpful to understand the full motion of our interactions. How we handle what we do not understand, are not part of, or are not comfortable with shapes the nature of our relationships with one another. If we are truly committed to developing a fair society where people embrace and protect the values of equality and equity then we must find ways to understand and connect with those parts of others that are foreign to our experience and knowledge. If you are going to ask what I am or anyone else is, do it to learn...not simply to know.

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Harrison Dunne-Polite is a sophomore at Bowdoin College in Brunswick, Maine, studying Africana Studies and Sociology. He is of mixed heritage and was raised by a single mother in Princeton, NJ. Through his experience as a mixed American, Harrison attempts to develop a sense of relativity through observations of how people treat him and, of equal importance, how people do not treat him.